We are confronted with love everyday from all angles and in all walks of life. We read about love in the Bible, we see love in romance novels and we watch movies and series on the TV that depicts love, mocks love or trashes it. We are also bombarded with the opposite: images, news, events that portrays a lack of love and an embracing of hate. Whether domestic in families filled with loneliness, abandonment and abuse, or bigger – a country filled with poverty ruled by the rich, a world underneath a destructive, suffocating covering of pure greed and an earth literally choking on it.
But is it love?
And the resounding answer is: NO.
The love portrayed in movies is not love, it is lust. The love we feel for someone or something, is not love. It is lust. Or obsession. Or ownership. Or pride. But not love. The sixties movement of “Make love not war” is definitive in how the wrong love can pervert a world. Sex is not love, and sex acted out in lust, is selfish and rooted in greed. The exact motivation for any war. The moral degradation of our society took a steep dive after that, with fornication and perverseness being labelled as normal and acceptable in society, even expected.
So what is love?
This study is divided into these parts:
1. Discovering Godly Love
2. Applying Godly Love
3. Self-Love
4. Dying to Yourself = Loving Yourself
5. Self-justification ≠ Loving Yourself
6. Identity
1. Discovering Godly Love
Let’s start by looking at the definition in dictionaries.
Google dictionary:
noun 1. an intense feeling of deep affection.
"babies fill parents with feelings of love"
2. a great interest and pleasure in something.
"his love for football"
verb 1. feel deep affection for (someone).
"he loved his sister dearly"
2. like or enjoy very much.
"I just love dancing"
Merriam-Webster dictionary:
noun 1) A – 1. strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal tiesmaternal love for a child
2. attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by loversAfter all these years, they are still very much in love.
3. affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interestslove for his old schoolmates
B – 1. an assurance of affectiongive her my love
2) warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotionlove of the sea
3) A the object of attachment, devotion, or admirationbaseball was his first love
B – 1. a beloved person : DARLING —often used as a term of endearment
2. British —used as an informal term of address
4) A unselfish loyal and benevolent (see BENEVOLENT SENSE 1A) concern for the good of another: such as
1. the fatherly concern of God for humankind
2. brotherly concern for others
B a person's adoration of God
5) a god (such as Cupid or Eros) or personification of love
6) an amorous episode : LOVE AFFAIR
7) the sexual embrace : COPULATION
8) a score of zero (as in tennis)
9) capitalized, Christian Science : GOD
at love
: holding one's opponent scoreless in tennis
in love
: inspired by affection
verb loved; loving
1: to hold dear : CHERISH
2a: to feel a lover's passion, devotion, or tenderness for
b (1): CARESS
(2): to fondle amorously
(3): to copulate with
3: to like or desire actively : take pleasure inloved to play the violin
4: to thrive inthe rose loves sunlight
: to feel affection or experience desire
Greek:
There are 7 words in that describes the different forms of love:
1. Eros – romantic, passionate love
2. Philia – intimate, authentic friendship
3. Ludus – playful, flirtatious love
4. Storge – unconditional, familial love
5. Philautia – self-love
6. Pragma – committed, companionate love
7. Agape – empathetic, universal love
Of these, only 3 are described in the Bible:
Greek (New Testament):
S26 – agape – love, affection, benevolence, a love-feast, charity, dear, love (noun)
S25 - agapao – to love in a social or moral sense (verb)
S5368 – phileo – to be a friend, have affection for, sentiment
S5387 – philostorgos – two words combined:
philos - properly, dear, i.e. a friend; actively, fond, i.e. friendly
storge - cherishing one’s kindred, especially parents or children); fond of natural relatives, i.e. fraternal towards fellow Christian
Hebrew (Old Testament):
S157 – ahab - to have affection for (sexually or otherwise):—(be-) love(-d, -ly, -r), like, friend.
From these definitions, it is clear that our one word to describe “love” is falling short. God did not intend for us to put all the different kinds of love under one umbrella. In doing that, the essence of true love has been diluted to a purely physical feeling – to “eros”. I don’t think it is a coincidence that the word isn’t even used in the Bible.
So what is Godly love? What is the love that God has for us, and that He wants us to have towards others?
There are 2 scriptures that defines the love God speaks of: Mark 12:29-31 and 1 Cor 13. Let’s examine them closer.
Mark 12: 29-31
And Jesus answered him, The first of all the commandments is, Hear O Israel: The Lord our God is one Lord: And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.
When you take it back to the Greek, it paints a complete picture:
heart = S2588 = the heart, thoughts or feelings, the middle
soul = S5590 = breath, spirit, life, mind, soul, us, you
mind = S1271 = deep thought, properly, exercise of thought, imagination, mind, understanding
strength = S2479 = force, forcefulness, ability, might, power, strength
First, God is one. If you don’t understand this, you’re not going to understand love.
Second, you must love God : with all your feelings, and thoughts, with every breath you take, with your whole life, with everything you imagine, think, understand, with everything you do, with all the influence you possess and the abilities you have, with all the power and strength you possess
That’s how you must love God.
That’s how you must love your neighbour.
That’s how you must love yourself.
In other words, you must love your neighbour : with all your feelings, and thoughts, with every breath you take, with your whole life, with everything you imagine, think, understand, with everything you do, with all the influence you possess and the abilities you have, with all the power and strength you possess
and you must love yourself : with all your feelings, and thoughts, with every breath you take, with your whole life, with everything you imagine, think, understand, with everything you do, with all the influence you possess and the abilities you have, with all the power and strength you possess
Loving God, your neighbour and yourself is a COMMANDMENT. It is not optional, it is not when you feel like it –it is a commandment. We are taught that love is a feeling and that you have no control over it. That is wordly love, not Godly love. The love that God wants you to have, is a choice. He cannot give a commandment to do something if you have no control over it. If you can’t decide who you love, then He can’t hold you accountable for disobeying the commandment.
Therefore, this love is a choice. You choose to love Him. This also means that emotion has got nothing to do with it. Your choice to love God, your neighbour and yourself shouldn’t depend on how you FEEL about them, or what they did. You choose to love them. Because God told you to.
… and all of this, because He FIRST loved us. (1 John 4:19). and God will not expect you to do something He hasn’t done first, or isn’t already doing (Heb 4:15, Heb 2:18). That means that this is how God loves you (John 15:12)
Just think about that for a moment.
God loves you… with all His feelings, and thoughts, with every breath He takes, with His whole life, with everything He imagines, thinks, understands, with everything He does, with all the influence He possesses and the abilities He has, with all the power and strength He possesses.
And He proved it, by becoming human – Jesus – and then dying on the cross, for us, who were still sinners (Rom 5:8)
John 3:16 - For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
2. Applying Godly Love
Now we know what Godly Love looks like, let’s look at how we are to apply that love.
1 Cor 13
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.
3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
8 Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.
9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.
10 But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.
11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.
1 Cor 13 tells us about the characteristics of love. It starts off by telling us that the stuff we normally measure our “Christian standing”, doesn’t count at all. Speaking in tongues, having faith, prophesying, giving to the poor and tithing, even dying for your faith – it doesn’t measure your love. These are all empty actions if not done in love.
The description of love is found in verses 4 – 8. And again, when taken back to the Greek, paints quite a story:
Charity suffereth long: long spirited, forbearing, patient, endure
and is kind: show oneself useful, act benevolently, kind
envieth not: warmth of feeling for or against, covet, desire, envy, be jealous, zealous
vaunteth not itself: braggart, to boast, vaunt itself
not puffed up: to inflate, make proud, puff up
not behave unseemly: to act unbecoming, behave self uncomely
seeketh not her own: to seek, to worship, plot against, desire, endeavour, require
not easily provoked: to sharpen alongside, to exasperate, easily provoke, stir
thinketh no evil: to take inventory, conclude, despise, esteem, impute, number, reason, suppose, think / worthless, depraved, injurious, bad, evil, harm, ill, wicked
rejoiceth not in iniquity: to be cheerful, calmly, happy or well off, salutation, God speed, greeting, rejoice / legal injustice, morally, wrongfulness, iniquity, unjust, unrighteousness, wrong
but rejoiceth in the truth: sympathize in gladness, congratulate, rejoice in or with / truth, truly, true, verity
beareth all things: to roof over, to cover with silence, bear, suffer / all, any, every, the whole, daily, as many as, thoroughly, whole, whatsoever, whosoever
believeth all things: to have faith, credit, to entrust, put in trust with / all, any, every, the whole, daily, as many as, thoroughly, whole, whatsoever, whosoever
hopeth all things: to expect or confide, hope, trust /
endureth all things: to stay under, remain, to undergo, bear, have fortitude, persevere, abide, tarry behind
never faileth: not even at any time, never at all, never / to drop away, be driven out of one’s course, to lose, become inefficient, fail, take none effect
This means:
Love – for yourself, for others, for God:
What it is:
- patient, forbearing, enduring
- you are useful to others, you act in kindness,
- sympathize in gladness, congratulate, rejoice in or with the truth, with what is true
- love covers in silence, it bears, it suffers – everything, everyday, thoroughly, whatsoever, whosoever
- love has faith, it credits and entrusts – everything, everyday, thoroughly, whatsoever, whosoever
- love hopes, expects, confides, trusts – everything, everyday, thoroughly, whatsoever, whosoever
- love stays under, it remains, bears, perseveres, abides, tarries behind – everything, everyday, thoroughly, whatsoever, whosoever
- love never, not even at any time, never at all – drops away, loses, becomes inefficient, fails, take none effect or is driven out of one’s course
What it is not:
- you do not covet or desire or are jealous of others, of what they have, of who they are
- you don’t brag about yourself, whether good (look at my house, my car, my money, my family) or bad (look at all the bad things that hits me)
- you don’t make yourself more than what you are
- you behave properly, decently, with manners, not embarrassing yourself or others
- you do not seek your own, you don’t worship yourself, you don’t plot against yourself, desire yourself,
- you don’t get mad easily, or exasperate easily, you don’t get stirred easily (not never, but not easily)
- you do not conclude, despise, esteem, impute, reason, suppose or think – of anyone, or anything, including yourself – worthless, depraved, injurious, bad, evil, harm, ill or wicked.
- you are not cheerful, happy or rejoicing about legal injustices, wrongfulness, unjust, unrighteousness, wrong, or iniquity
Another passage that describes the practical application of love is found in Luke.
Luke 6:31 – 35
And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise. 32 For if ye love them which love you, what thank have ye? for sinners also love those that love them. 33 And if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye? for sinners also do even the same. 34 And if ye lend to them of whom ye hope to receive, what thank have ye? for sinners also lend to sinners, to receive as much again. 35 But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.
Your love for yourself or for others, shouldn’t be dependent on them. We love God, because He first loved us. He is our example, we are to be His representatives in this world, therefore we are to love others first, not wait on them to love us, before we love them.
You are to make the first move. Not others unto you, but you unto them. As you want to be treated, treat others. The whole movement of “respect is earned” and “I’ll treat you the way you treat me” is contrary to what the Word says. As YOU treat others, so YOU will be treated. If someone doesn’t treat you with respect, (not talking about children and parents here) then you are not supposed to not treat them with respect either. If you want to be treated with respect, you must treat others with respect – regardless of how they treat you.
Jesus said it very clearly in verse 35: You don’t treat others with respect SO THAT THEY WILL TREAT YOU WITH RESPECT. You treat them with respect, because you LOVE them. Not to get something. But to give.
To treat someone with respect only when they treat you with respect, doesn’t show your respectfulness in any way. It is when you treat all men equally – those that “deserve” it and those that doesn’t, that determines what you actually gave, who you really are.
How you treat others is proof of what you think about yourself.
If you have no mercy towards anyone else, you don’t have any mercy towards yourself.
When you put others down because they don’t live up to your expectations, you are showing that you are not living up to your own expectations and that you do not think you, yourself, is good enough.
If you do not allow anyone else their own thoughts, beliefs, feelings – you are not sure that yours are justified to have either. You don’t feel that your own thoughts, beliefs and feelings are worth much, so no one else’s can be either.
The commandment to love starts with God is one. I believe that is because the whole commandment, like God, although divided into 3 parts, cannot be separated from each other.
Love for God = Love for others = Love for yourself
If any of the links are broken, the rest cannot be fulfilled.
And the commandment starts with to love God, then your neighbour, then yourself. But the implementation of it is in reverse. You cannot love God if you don’t love your neighbour, and you cannot love your neighbour if you don’t love yourself. Thus, if you don’t love yourself, you cannot love God.
3. Self-Love
So, if you want to love God, you have to love yourself FIRST. The devil tells us that this is selfish. Let’s examine it:
Loving yourself means:
- that you are patient with yourself, that you act kindly towards yourself, that you cover in silence all that you have done wrong, that you have faith in yourself, and trust yourself. You are happy with what you have, you don’t covet what others have, you know your limits, what you are good at and what not, and you don’t make yourself less over the things you are not good at, you do not embarrass yourself or others, you don’t make yourself more than you are and you don’t try to hurt yourself, you are not self-destructive, you don’t take yourself too seriously, you don’t despise yourself, you don’t think of yourself as worthless, depraved, bad and you don’t think evil, wicked or harmful thoughts about yourself or how to hurt yourself
Does any of that sound selfish? No. It is balanced. You know who you are, you don’t think too much OR too little of yourself. And because you know who you are, and what you are capable of, you can believe in yourself and look at your actions objectively. You can forgive yourself for your mistakes, because you know you are not perfect.
Once we achieved this, to love ourselves, we can move out of our own space and into the next: loving others. This is where the world starts to change. This is where we are secure enough in ourselves that we can look outward towards others, and start doing for others. Where their needs are more important than our own. Not because we don’t have, but because ours are already fulfilled. We are content and happy and we know who we are and where our strength comes from, and therefore we can freely give.
And then, we will love God. Love comes from God alone. There is no love in the devil. Any and all love comes from God. Do not confuse lust with love. Do not confuse the perverse, fleshly desires with love.
1 John 4:7-8 7 Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. 8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.
The counter effect of love is this: if we cannot love, we cannot receive love either. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot accept God’s love.
Loving yourself is not “treating” yourself to another slice of cake or pizza. Loving yourself is not “treating” yourself to a pair of expensive shoes you don’t need, and that will have you chewing your nails later in the month because the money is dwindling. This is another lie from the devil. This is what the world is telling you about self-love. But eating something that will make you feel bad afterwards, is not a reward. Buying stuff to make you feel better, but later only causes regret, is not a reward.
This is part of an awful cycle that actually starts with you not feeling good about yourself. You try to validate yourself, by “allowing” yourself things you feel you are being deprived of. You have a right to spend money. You have a right to eat what you want. Your wants and needs matter – and you prove that by eating or buying stuff or doing things that is not really good for you. Self-justification is a trap, a destructive cycle.
Rom 5:1 says that we are justified by faith. Tit 3:7 says that we are justified by God’s grace.
1 Cor 6:11 - And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.
When you know your place in God, when you understand His love for you and what He did for you, you don’t need external justification for your existence here on earth. You don’t need other people’s justification of you, you don’t need to justify yourself, and you certainly don’t need to justify yourself to others.
You are here. The fact that you are alive, makes you a creation of God – He deemed you worthy enough to take the time to create you, to work out a whole plan for your life, to have His son die for you.
Why look for justification in any other place? No-one can justify you, except God, through His son, Jesus Christ. You will never feel worthy or good enough, if you are looking for justification of your life outside of Him.
4. Laying down yourself = loving yourself
Let’s look at some verses:
Matthew 16:24,25 - Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.
Luke 9:23 - And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.
Luke 14:26 - If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.
How do you “love” your neighbour, and hate your family? How do you “hate” yourself, but “love” yourself? Are these contradictory? It would seem so.
Let’s look at some other verses:
Galatians 2:20 - I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.
Colossians 1:27 - To whom God would make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles; which is Christ in you, the hope of glory:
Romans 6:6 - Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin.
Obviously, God does not want us to physically die in order to serve Him. That’s not going to achieve much, is it? Although dying for your faith is a possibility, as it has happened throughout the ages, starting with Stephen who was stoned for his faith (Acts 7).
So what is crucified with Christ?
Ps 51:5 - Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.
Rom 7:17,18 - Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.
Rom 7:22, 23 - For I delight in the law of God after the inward man: But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.
Because of sin, when we are born, we are born with the sins of our fathers (iniquities) in our blood. We are in sin, until we choose to serve God. (Note 1)
Once we have accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Saviour, our spirit is renewed and we have everlasting life. However, we do not have a new body. And this body of flesh, is part of the curse of sin. It’s almost like our new spirits are trapped in these vessels of flesh.
You, the new you, has to constantly make the choice between good and evil. You have to choose God over and over, in every situation. And we fail. Paul said it clearly.
But it isn’t about your success or failure in choosing God, it is about the choice. You have to make the choice to sacrifice – give up, let die – the old spirit, the physical man, and do what God wants you to do. The old man wants to do drugs, but the new spirit says that your body is a temple and you cannot defile it. So you sacrifice your old desires, you crucify your old self, and choose Jesus instead.
The old man says to have sex before marriage. But fornication (sex before marriage) is a grievous sin before God, and Paul says that it is sinning against your own body. So, by sacrificing yourself – your desire for sex – you are choosing to live in Jesus, and choosing to treat yourself, your body, well… which is loving yourself.
You need to separate the different parts of you, to understand this:
Body Soul Spirit
Physical matter, becomes dust upon death
You, your thoughts, your personality, your will
Life-giving force, in darkness until repentance
Because your body is flesh, it gravitates towards sin. It is part of this earth and trapped in sin.
Your soul is the one calling the shots. You decide what to do. If you submit to the flesh, you will do whatever your flesh wants to, like drugs, drinking, fornication, etc. Once you have decided to follow Jesus, you must rule over your flesh. This is not easy, and this is what Paul refers to: he (his soul) wants to do good, but he doesn’t do it, because he is trapped in his flesh. It is a constant battle. It is where our minds must be renewed (Rom 12:2) – changing the way we think.
Once you are born again (in spirit) your spirit awakens, it is lit up and changed and the Holy Spirit comes and communes with your spirit. Because it is in light, you can now have a relationship with God. John 4:24 - God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.
Now, you – your soul, your will – must subject itself to God’s Spirit, His will. Now it is not what you want anymore, but what He wants. You – your soul – must rule over your flesh, and over your old spirit, to remain in submission unto God. You deny yourself – your old desires, the sinful nature – in exchange for God, in obedience to Him.
The old man is the one before you accepted Jesus. He must be crucified. He must die. So that the new man can live – Christ in you. His Spirit must rule your body, your soul and your spirit. But you must submit, you must choose to do that. Every moment of every day.
That is how you die to yourself.
That is how you love yourself.
By giving yourself over completely to the only One who can truly care for you, who truly loves you and who only wants the best for you.
Unfortunately, not everyone may agree with you. And family may especially be condemning about your choices. Sacrificing yourself to God looks different for everyone – some are called to become ministers, missionaries to foreign countries that may involve dangerous situations, some are called to change their lives overnight, others over a longer time… but all are called to leave the world and the worldly things behind. So when you don’t get drunk at parties anymore, people begin talking. Calling you names, trying to humiliate you. You may change your taste in music, the clothes you wear… and people will feel alienated.
But, in order for you to follow Christ, you must be willing to leave them behind. They, too, have a choice to follow God. If they choose not to, that is their choice. And it is not for you to judge them either, or condemn them. But you will have to leave them – hate them – for Christ’s sake.
That would make them your enemies, and Jesus told us how to treat our enemies: Matthew 5:44 - But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
So, apart from the definition of what love is and how you are supposed to treat yourself, loving yourself also means of letting go of the old you, of the physical. Denying yourself the “pleasures” of this world, in order to gain Christ.
Rom 12: 1-2 - I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. 2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
Gal 6:8 - For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.
Ps 42:1-2 - As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God. 2 My soul thirsteth for God, for the living God: when shall I come and appear before God?
Gal 5:16 - This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.
2 Corinthians 10:3 – 5: For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh:
4 (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)
5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
1 Corinthians 6:19 - 20: What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.
5. Self-Justification ≠ Loving Yourself
“I have stuck to my diet this week, I am treating myself to a slice of cake.”
“This has been a hard week – kids were difficult, work was just too much – I am rewarding myself with a whole pizza.”
“I love this pair of shoes! But they’re so expensive… You know what? I deserve them. Why can’t I have what I want? I’m buying them!”
“Tonight I’m gonna party like there’s no tomorrow! I deserve some fun.”
Do these sound familiar?
The world, mostly through advertising, is telling us that that is how we should reward ourselves. That you deserve to eat/buy/do whatever to make you feel better. That to treat yourself to extreme indulgences, is loving yourself. But it is not.
And the problem isn’t really only the action you take, but the true “why” you are taking it.
Why do you feel the need to justify your existence? Why do you feel the need to justify everything you buy, or eat, or do? Who are you justifying yourself to? Does anybody else really care about what you do? (Note 2)
If you are on a diet, and you really, really want that piece of cake – eat it. The whole diet movement is based on false ideas about what you should look like. God created us all in different sizes and shapes, the point is not to be thin and hourglass shaped, or bulked up and muscular. The point is to be healthy. If you are overweight or obese, then that is not healthy for you. You need to lose weight, not because you want to look better, but because you want to be healthy. Why should you want to be healthy? Because the Bible talks a lot about health, and healing. God cares about your body – it is His temple, after all. (1 Cor 6:19-20)
If you really want to lose weight, and you are struggling, give it to God. Tell Him that you want to improve your health, but that you are struggling, and that He must help you. And He will. The only catch now will be: whether or not you are going to obey His promptings.
So you want to buy shoes you cannot afford. And you justify it by claiming that you also have a right to spend some money on yourself, you deserve things, too. Who are you trying to convince? Will buying the shoes make you feel worthy? What do you want to feel worthy of? Living?
Self-justification is an awful, endless cycle created to distract us from finding and accepting our identity, our place in God and His kingdom. It is also a symptom of a deeper issue: poor self-image, lack of love from the father and rejection. (Note 3)
And most of the times, the things that we choose to “reward” ourselves with, brings more misery than satisfaction. That is because you are not supposed to “reward” yourself. A reward is given TO someone, after hard work, it is something that you EARN. You can’t give it to yourself – imagine the Oscars: Julia Roberts getting on stage and claiming a statue for one of her performances, or Bill Gates crashing the Nobel Prize ceremony demanding one of those!
No, rewards are given TO you.
God sees you. And He promised to reward us IF we run the race to the end:
Col 3:23-24 - And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.
Phil 2:14-15 - Do all things without murmurings and disputings: That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world;
Gal 6:9 - And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.
Ps 128:2 - For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee.
2Tim 4:7-8 - I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing.
1 Cor 9:24 - Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain.
Heb 11:6 - But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.
Imagine that! A crown! An inheritance! And although that crown is to be given a bit later, there is no time given for some of the other promises of reward. God is a rewarder. Not you. HE will reward you, at the correct time.
But only if you run the race, if you persevere, if you seek Him, if you live your life for Him and His glory. What reward must He give you, if you have already rewarded yourself?
Does that now mean you can never spoil yourself? Of course not! If you have worked hard and you landed a big contract – what do you think that is? That is a reward for hard work. Who do you think gave you that contract? Or the bonus? I believe that when God does reward you, that you are very much allowed to enjoy it – happy shalt thou be!
You do not need to justify your existence, your desires, your needs or your wants. You do not need to justify your feelings. You do need to understand them, and all of that needs to be put at the foot of the cross. You have to sacrifice yourself, your desires, your needs, your wants, your feelings – in exchange for what God wants for you.
Do you not think that He wants to give you good things? The Bible says He does. Matt 7:11 - If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? The question is: do you believe Him?
God justified your existence by creating you before the beginning of time, and by dying on a cross so you may have eternal life. We are justified by faith – faith in the Almighty God. Stop looking in the mirror or to others to justify your right to be here. Start looking at the cross, keep your eyes focused on Jesus Christ, because in the end (literally, the end) His opinion of you is the only one that matters.
6. Identity
What is your identity? Who and what are you? The question about identity is one that has haunted humans throughout the ages. It is also one that has been completed perverted. Currently there are about 46 terms that describe sexual attraction, behavior and orientation. And then there are about 64 terms that describes gender identity and expression.
When God created the earth in the beginning, He started out with 2: male and female (Gen 1:27)
The problem isn’t that there are so many different terms and types, the problem is WHY it exists. And that is the question of identity.
You are not your name – although the power of a name cannot be underestimated.
You are not your sexuality – whatever that may be.
You are not what you do or what you have done or what you are going to do – teacher or murderer, student or scientist, mom or husband, dead or alive.
You are not what you look like – fat, thin, pretty, ugly, nondescript or weird.
You are not your bloodline – even though it does have a huge influence
You are not your political beliefs – right wing, left wing or fence hugger
You are not your religious beliefs – Christian, Muslim, Scientologist, Satanist, atheist, etc.
You are not financial means – rich, poor or middleclass
So what is your identity, then?
Let’s investigate, starting with definitions in the dictionaries:
Google dictionary:
noun
1.
the fact of being who or what a person or thing is.
"he knows the identity of the bombers"
Wikipedia:
Identity is the qualities, beliefs, personality, looks and/or expressions that make a person or group. One can regard the awareness and the categorizing of identity as positive or as destructive. A psychological identity relates to self-image, self-esteem, and individuality
Merriam-Webster:
1a: the distinguishing character or personality of an individual : INDIVIDUALITY
b: the relation established by psychological identification
2: the condition of being the same with something described or assertedestablish the identity of stolen goods
3a: sameness of essential or generic character in different instances
b: sameness in all that constitutes the objective reality of a thing : ONENESS
4: an equation that is satisfied for all values of the symbols
We are all unique. Every country has an identification system, which labels every person with a unique code. You being you, makes you unique, even in the worldly system.
How much more so do you think, would it be in God’s?
God created everything in spirit before it was manifested in the physical. That includes you. And when God creates, He doesn’t duplicate – anything. Leaves, clouds, stripes on a zebra, fingerprints, retinas, even ears… not even your two halves of your body is the same. Man manufactures en masse… God creates individually, by hand.
But what is your identity?
Who are you?
This is a question everyone struggles with during their life. Even those who seem to have it all figured out, ebbs in and out of certainty about where they belong, and whether or not they are fulfilling their “purpose”. They wonder who they are and where they fit in. And more often than not, more than once.
Us humans love labels. “Teenager” “Mother” “Teacher” “Christian” “Terrorist” - as if that is supposed to tell others who we are.
Then we get “fat” “pretty” “nasty” “friendly” “intelligent” “lazy” “rich” - as if that is supposed to tell others what we are.
In your lifetime, you will probably be some of these things – except the terrorist part, but then again, most parents will describe their children as terrorists at some point or another. Or you can be none of these things. But you will have carried a label, whether self-inflicted or given by others and accepted by you.
So is that who and what you are?
No. It’s not.
So, who are you? How is your identity defined?
If you are very clever, and you are brain damaged in an accident, does that affect your identity?
If you are beautiful and you are disfigured in an accident, does that affect your identity?
If you are fat, and you lose all your weight, does that affect your identity?
If you are a parent, and you lose your children, does that affect your identity?
If you are a teacher, and you retire, does that affect your identity?
It shouldn’t. Because you are more than clever, pretty, or fat. You are more than a parent or a teacher. You cannot define yourself by stuff that is constantly changing. What you look like and what you do, changes throughout your life. Even how you act, changes. You might have been hot-headed as a young man, but with age comes maturity and wisdom, and you react differently to the same situations as when you were young.
I believe that our souls go to heaven, and that means our personalities, our characters will go, too. If your identity is wrapped up in what you are, or how you look, or what you do – tell me: which one of you, what part of you, will be going to heaven? Will you be fat in heaven – if that is part of your identity now? Will the grocery packer, the student or the teacher be in heaven? Will the hot-headed young man be there, or the wiser, calmer older man?
The PERFECT versions of our souls will be in heaven. That soul that is without all the sins that is on it in this earth. That soul without all the generational sins and burdens. Pure, perfect, like it was before the earth began, when God created it.
Do you know who that is?
God does. That’s who He died for.
He didn’t die to save your body, to save the you here on earth. This isn’t the real you. This is the you the world influenced, the sin misformed, iniquities disabled. God knew all the sins you would commit, all the mistakes you would make – from the white lie to your mom about not eating the cookie, to the cheating on your partner – and He still died for you. But He didn’t do it for the you now, here on earth – He did it for the you He created, the YOU He is trying to save from this world, the real you. With all your quirks. If God doesn’t make any 2 things the same, do you think He created our souls to look alike?
Your identity is not found on earth. It is found in Him.
Once you know your place in Him, you can accept who you are. You can accept the fat you, the thin you, the friendly you, the nasty you, the clever you, the teacher you, the terrorist you… You give that you to Him, and He will transform it into the real you. You can stop judging yourself for all your mistakes, for what you failed at. You can also stop puffing yourself up, ‘cause your “lucky streak” ain’t gonna last forever.
There is this movie, Moana. Depending on where you stand with God, some might find a lot of the imagery and “magic” in the movie, against their faith. But despite all the negatives in that sense, this story is about a girl who finds her identity – and is able to defeat a great monster. Because she knew her own identity, she could see beyond the exterior of the monster, and find its real identity. And healing followed. She was the daughter of the chief, and called by the sea.
We are children of God, and called by Him.
I am worthy, not because of me. Not because of who I am, or think I am, or what I do, or what I look like. Not because of anything I’ve done. My intelligence, my talents, my job title, my position in society… that doesn’t make me more worthy or less worthy.
I am worthy, because God said so. Because He created me. Because He died for me. I am worthy because He chose me.
That’s why you have to die to yourself – to your opinion of you, to others’ opinion of you, to your ambitions, to your labels. So that Christ can live in you, to turn you into His true creation : the person He created before time began.
What you do here on earth, who you are here, the roles and positions you fulfil here, is part of your journey. God put you here to live your life, and He wants you to be happy, to be fulfilled, to enjoy life. And all the different times and seasons you go through while you’re here, is part of this blessed time on earth. However, true fulfilment and happiness comes when we let Him guide us, when we do what He wants us to do. Not because He is just trying to rule you and ruin your life, because He knows you best and He knows what will actually make you happy, what route will truly be a blessing for you and your family.
Here are some scriptures about our identity:
Gen 1:27 - So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
John 1:12 - But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:
John 15:16 - Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.
1 Pet 2:9 - But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light;
Eph 2:10 - For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.
2 Cor 5:17 - Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
Col 3:2-3 - Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.
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More verses about LOVE:
Jude 1:21 - Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life.
Matthew 5: 43 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.
44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.
46 For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?
47 And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?
48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.
Matthew 24:12 - And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.
John 3:35 - The Father loveth the Son, and hath given all things into his hand.
John 12:25 - He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal.
John 13:35 - By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.
John 14:15 - If ye love me, keep my commandments.
John 15:12 - This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.
Not loving ourselves, our neighbours and God, results in curses over our lives. Bondages that can keep us trapped in self-destructive cycles, destroying not only our own lives, but the lives of those around us. But Jesus came to set the captives free! When we repent, and confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins. (1 John 1:9)
Please pray the Restoring Godly Love prayers, to repent and ask forgiveness and to receive healing in your soul, your body, and your family.
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Notes:
1. I believe babies and children up until about age 7, will go to heaven when they die, simply because they do not have the capacity to choose God over the devil. But that age is dependent on many things. Basically, once a child has the capacity to make that choice, he will be judged according to the choice he makes.
2. Unfortunately I know that there are people trapped in relationships that require them to justify their every action, where their actions are monitored and where punishment awaits if you don’t tow the line. Freedom from self-justification is also possible for you, albeit that your circumstances will still require justification from you. Should you be in such a relationship, and you want help, please contact us at: ask@armedwiththesword.com.
3. Prayers to deal with these issues can be found under our “Prayers” section.
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