I am saddened today. Devastated is the word I used in my Bible Study book. Devastated that I had to come back to Rula. Although I am thankful for the job, for the money it gives, it is not good for me. I was really, really hoping that I wouldn't have to come back here.
But here I am.
Saartjie saw me standing in a massive door, stepping into the light.
My mom got messages yesterday that "tonight is the night".
Janette said she felt a warm glow rise inside her as she prayed for me.
The interview went well, but the answer wasn't final and the start date is a month away.
Father God, forgive me my unhappiness. Please forgive me my desolation feeling. Forgive me my weakness and lack of faith.
It just really feels like I am putting in the work, making the effort, sowing and thinking and manifesting... all to no avail. Orders for MBR have completely decreased. And the job does not have a conclusion as yet.
I fell like a failure. Forgive me, Father God, but I do.
I need a win, I need a breakthrough.
I need to step through the door into the light.
And being back here, at Rula, feels like retracting back into the shadows, into obscurity and nothingness, where hope goes to die.
I believe, Lord Jesus, help thou my unbelief!
I stand on Your promise of Is 54, I built my boat, I'm calling dead bones to life...
Please let MBR get orders - at least 2 per day for now.
Please, o please, Lord Jesus - let me get the job at OGEE.
Nonetheless, not my will be done, but thine.
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